The End of the Heartbreak?

I’ve never once had a bad experience in court. It’s always came out to be a blessing and this time wasn’t any different. For those following know some of what we’ve been going through with getting our boys from their mother. Everyone knows the heartbreak. And those following on Facebook saw the video of the immaturity we deal with every other weekend. 

Enough had been enough. She hollered and hollered to take her to court. She couldn’t be mature and work things out so to court we went. Papers were drawn up requesting what we wanted in the order. It wasn’t asking much. Not at all close to what we plan on doing. But it was enough for now. We asked for equal transportation. Allowing me to pick up the children. Medical records and notices of medical information going on. Basically stuff we should already be knowing but denied. Maybe little things to people but a huge step to us. 

I’ve never been more happy and blessed when leaving court than I was on Tuesday. We walked in to drop off the papers for his name change for the wedding and then headed up to family court. Rounding the corner she sat there with HIS family. Which was hilarious, it’s juvenile court. They weren’t going to let everyone in but my fiancé and the boys mother. I was there because I was in the paper work and on the off chance I was needed I was there. Just like her boyfriend could be there but the whole family was a little extreme. Maybe for the next court date but not this one. 

Doors closed and you could hear her yelling and the immaturity in it all. Im pretty sure I’ve gotten whip lash from shaking my head to much. All she could do was drone on and on about how he hadn’t been there. Which was no fault to his own. She claimed he was a no call no show and thankfully he had proof he had texted and she had ignored him. 

She said no to about everything. She wasn’t interested in what was best for the boys. She was interested in what was what she wanted and how she wanted it. She didn’t care about the boys getting time with their father. She wanted to hurt their father with lies, to a woman who had no intrest hearing it. She cared for nothing but herself. Which was obvious. For months she wouldn’t work with his schedule. It was at 6 or not happening. But she says she has a job and school and suddenly she can’t make the six and we have to change to fit her? He brought up her new boyfriend calling himself daddy and said it needed to stop. He made sure to say it loud enough the mediator heard because the whole conversation is recorded. She made so many excuses it was laughable. But in the end we got what we wanted. We got time with our boys. We got every other weekend. We got it to where I can pick them up when the fiancé works. And if she fails to follow any of those it’s contempt of court!! 

Again I’ve never been so happy and blessed to come out of court like we did. My heart is happy and full. 

Alienation is Abuse

Over 90% of parents who alienate their child from the other parent do so because of a disagreement or “they didn’t get their way”. It is a form of control and revenge to hurt the other parent. Alienation is a form of abuse. Many women have trouble understanding that their children and themselves are two different beings. If the women is angry with her ex and leaving didn’t hurt him, the next motive is to strip the father of his children. She can’t stand to see the children happy with the other parent or new step mom. From there hatred is poured into little hearts that no no better than what mommy tells them. One of the saddest things in the world is to see a child grow up hating the other parent because they only got one side of the story. 

It never makes sense to jump in and out of a relationship, hating the other parent one month but then the next loving them because they finally do what you want them too. You can’t decide for your children if they get to see or don’t get to see their father because this is your off month. You can’t shove them out because you got into a new relationship and you have to look as broken as possible so they’ll spoil you. Make up lies and keep the kids to make your story look more appealing. Change your phone number and don’t forward it but blast the other parent on social media for not texting or calling the children. 

You cannot claim to be the better parent when you don’t try and you’ve never tried. You can’t sit there in your parents house and not pay for anything and say you take care of those kids. No. You mooch. A loving parent would make it work and let the child decide if the other parent was a deadbeat. A loving parent wouldn’t down the other infront of tiny ears and big hearts. You shatter their confidence by telling them little lies that daddy doesn’t love you when it’s the complete opposite. Everyone has a right to move on after a broken relationship. If you did why can’t the other parent move on too? It’s not the child’s fault he cheated. It’s not the child’s fault he moved on. It’s not the child’s fault he doesn’t love you anymore. None of your past issues with your ex is your child’s fault. So stop taking it out on your child. Stop making it difficult for him to see his children. Stop nit picking every little thing. You are not perfect. You never have been and neither has he. Follow court guidelines and move on with the life you’re pretending to be in. 

Disrespect & Empty Beds

I think one of the many sad things in dealing with a narcissist dead beat parent is the pain of looking in the empty bedroom. Seeing an unslept in twin, toddler bed, and crib. Folding tiny little clothes you bought them a few days before and wondering if you’ll ever get to see them in it. A toy box full of toys still closed, music turned off. It’s sad and heart breaking. It leaves you wondering what they’re dealing with on the other end. 

Dead beat is such a harsh word and I’m sure it’s been used numerous times by them for Cody but I don’t think that’s true. You can’t call a man a dead beat baby daddy when he tries. A man who works from sun up to sun down to make sure child support is paid and things can be bought for the children. House payment is paid so they have a roof over their head when they come.  Electric bill is paid so they can watch their favorite cartoon when they wake. You can’t call him a deadbeat when he sends messages day in and day out  asking how his boys are. 

Lying on social media makes you a coward especially when there’s proof against your lies. For heavens sake there is a live Facebook video showing how petty and immature they both are. 

What makes it all worse is when the other dead beat parent claims to be an awesome parent but is far from it. If they did everything in their power to make their children happy then it wouldn’t matter who showed to get the children as long as they were getting to spend time with their actual parent. 

It’s sad when the custodial parent gets into a new relationship. Any person they date becomes daddy. I cannot begin to tell you how many people these boys have called daddy… 

I mean the boyfriend is more than welcome to love them like they’re his own. But don’t over step your bounds. I love all three of my step sons as if they are my own. But they are not. Just as they are not the boyfriends children. It is not your place to call yourself daddy unless the child asks. And it’s certainly not fair to make them call the boyfriend daddy when their own flesh and blood is trying to see them. 

Those who do that have no back bone. Those who do that are nothing but cowards. To keep a loving father from his children so you can play mommy and daddy is messed up. 

Guess they’ll never grow up

Well if you were waiting for a happy ending on this blog you need to wait a little more. It was another weekend come and gone. This time we actually went to Bills where she requested and she refused to hand over the boys. Thankfully it’s all recorded and what makes it even better is she consented to it. But I arrived there at 5:20, pick up was at 6. Cody texted her way before then and told her where we were and what we were driving. She drove all the way around the parking lot and parked two cars over…

I knew from there it was going to be a difficult exchange. Cody was in Maceo picking up a truck for work and heading to the shop. He wasn’t going to make it to the pick up time so I went instead. I had gotten off early and figured it didn’t hurt to just go ahead and go. After she parked over there I moved behind her and went and tapped on the window. She ignored me of course, arms crossed nose in the air. I went back to my car to get my phone and her boyfriend of the week decides to get out and ask me where cody is. Work. He proceeds to tell me, without looking me in the eye of course, that he has 20 mins to get there. I laugh. I’m here to get the boys. But of course he quickly hides back in the car again. I go ahead and get my phone and thought I’m going to record this. Better yet I’m going to go live with it so that everyone on Facebook can see just what immaturity we go through. It shouldn’t matter who gets the boys as long as they’re sober, licensed driver, and cody is getting his time with them. But of course she has to be immature and petty and deny his rights to his children. 

She’s quick to sprout lies on Facebook and put codys name in the dirt I’ve had enough of it.

 You would think with her being in a new relationship she’d stop chasing cody around but I guess not. Sadly her boyfriend is to dense to realize she’s still in love with cody. Why else would she insist on him being there. I’m sorry but if you hate a person so much or don’t want to see them you’d be ok with someone else being the drop off and pick up. It’s ok. He’ll realize in a week or two when she’s sending dirty pictures again that he’s being used for money. 

So I recorded the whole thing. Told her I was doing so. Got her consent to do so. Recorded her boyfriends behavior and how they treated the kids while in the car. Even when she pulled off before codys allotted 30 mins was up. A video that has over 375 views at her immature behavior. A video that will thankfully help us in court. So here we sit again another empty weekend without the boys. Thankfully court papers have already been drawn up and the papers we got in the mail the other day have helped as well. I’ll never understand how someone can’t grow up and be a mother and treat their kids right. What I saw on Friday wasn’t a mother at all. It was a scorned child whose still vendictive towards the father of her children. I heard poor babies crying to get out of the car and spend time with daddy. But all mommy was worried about doing was putting him down in front of them. Guess some girls will never grow up and realize their children’s happiness is much more important than their own. 

Suck it Up Buttercup

There are many many days I have no idea what I’m doing. Many many days I have no possible idea if I want to roll out of bed and start the day or hide under my fuzzy blanket a little while longer. I don’t know how I do it. I just know I do. 

I’ve been asked so many many times “why do you put up with her? Why don’t you just sign over his rights” trust me I don’t like putting up with her. It’s not what I call a walk in the park and it definitely isn’t a roller coaster ride either. It has its ups, but there are more downward drops and spirals more than anything. We put up with her for those boys. We acknowledge her presence for those boys. Because sadly without her I wouldn’t have those three adorable boys in my life. 

Every single day I follow my dreams. I am happy in what I do and love the life I have. I wake up each morning in my own house, my own king size bed, and my wonderful fiancé beside me. I wake up my two children, get one ready for school and the other for the sitter. I myself get dressed for the full time job that I have. All between this trying to wake Cody up for his lol. We work to pay our bills and to take care of our children. We are not rich but we certainly aren’t poor. Our house is perfect for our family. A nice neighborhood out in the country, four bedrooms with a huge yard for the kids to play in. A wrap around drive way with two vehicles as well as a service truck. In the garage you’ll find a derby car and parked beside it you’ll find a dirt track car. Also currently parked in our drive way is 4 power wheel derby cars. Again we are not rich but we are not poor. Some days I stress over bills with no real knowledge as to why I do. I know they’re taken care of. Yet I don’t know. But every single day at the end of the day I know I’m getting it done. 

It’s okay to stress and worry. But don’t contemplate it all day. Get up and do it. Get it done. I stress almost every single day on bills and kids. But in the end it all works out. Everything is taken care of with the house and soon with the boys everything will be taken care of there too. 

We know that no matter how much someone likes to bad mouth us on social media, over step their bounds, or talks bad about us to the children. We know that they love us and we love them. Although I’m sure they’re in a confused state because they’ve been told numerous lies by numerous people. I never know how this is going to get done or how it’s going to end up. All I know is that it will be done. Things will get better. And eventually people will grow up. 

Until that day happens… until my phone buzzes with an apology and let’s move on. I will sip my Dr Pepper. Bust my ass at my full time job. And take care of my family. My children and my bonus children. They may not be with me physically but they are still loved and thought of all the same. Just because people want to say you don’t care doesn’t mean you don’t. Why believe the words of a liar when actions speak differently?

Why Does it Carry Such a Bad Title?

Have you ever wondered how “Step Mom” got such a bad title? I mean sure there are some great stories out there. But I’m certain those came from Bio Moms who had grown up and recognized that the relationship with the father had ended. Those step moms in those particular stories are the lucky moms. The moms who get asked for extra time with their bonus children. The ones who get sent the pictures of their first day of anything special. They’re the lucky moms who get the phone call ” I’ve got to do this today do you care to watch so and so”. I’d give just about anything to have one of those phone calls. 

Instead I get labeled the term “bad step mom” or “you don’t really care step mom” I’ve never understood why, although I’m sure I can guess. I’ve never been the one to be quiet about this situation. And honestly I’ve somewhat pushed him to start following the guidelines. Which in turn makes me evil. I don’t care for extra time as long as it’s asked. I’m not one to turn it down. Yet it’s never asked of us or to us. Instead were plastered all over social media for not caring when our cell phones have been nothing but silent. But no extra time is given unless its on her terms. For instance; if she has a court date (and is currently not dating anyone) our phones will ring. Yet if we ask for them on a day that’s not ours it’s a good solid no. At times we’ve asked to keep them Sunday night and return them home Monday afternoon. That was a huge no as well. If I tell him this is what the guidelines state and he relays that to her I’m told to butt out they aren’t my children it’s none of my business. To be honest about the immaturity in all this even if he told her that he was following the guidelines, my name not being mentioned, she would STILL find a way to drag my name into it. 

All this stems from a girl whose not okay with her relationship with the father being over. She’s so intent on living in the past that she can’t grow up enough for her children. It’s ok for her to move on and be in a new relationship but not the father. It’s okay for the new boyfriend to call himself daddy but by goodness it’s the end of the world if the step mom even calls herself a step mom. It’s okay for her new bf to post pics but not the fathers girlfriend. Heaven forbid the step mom show up to pick them up when the father is working. And yet if the stepmom didn’t show up she’s once again accused of not caring because she didn’t or she didn’t make him. Make up your mind. Why can’t you accept the fact both of you have moved on, both have new families and just follow guidelines and let the father see his children. He WANTS to see them. 

Both he and I have full time jobs. I work 40 hour weeks and he works 40 hour plus weeks. Every other weekend we free our schedules so that we’re home with the boys. Occasionally he gets a call that he has to go service a truck, comes with being on call 24/7 as a mechanic, but it normally takes an hour at most and hes home. Recently we’ve started working on things and a big change is coming. Hopefully in our favor. And once the ball gets rolling on that I’ll blog more about that as well. In all honesty we’re tired of the unfairness that’s being handed to us. We want time with the boys but under court rules, not hers. I guess that makes us bad parents?

Another Visit Come and Gone

Well 6pm Friday came and gone with no little boys showing up at our door. No dirty face smiles or grins of excitement. No extra peddle paddle of feet as they raced room to room looking for just the right toy to play with. 

Yet of course as we follow the guidelines we are once again blamed for her incompetence as a parent. Our names are run into the dirt because of insecurity and immaturity its ridiculous. More so she cannot answer the text messages telling her we’re waiting. But sends her little sister to do her arguing, and I’m pretty sure her sister is like 15? 

We will answer some points to this post. Again this is a child fighting for a 24 year old.  Yes cody wants to see his kids. And yes he’s put in an effort. But just because he doesn’t follow her rules and her demands doesn’t mean an effort isn’t made. Those babies are just that. Babies. They are not pawns to be used to get what you wanted. Such as when you’re dating another man, want your hair done but can’t find a sitter. So you take it upon yourself to call your ex so he can come watch the boys while you’re getting your hair done but you don’t tell anyone that. Why? Because you don’t want people believing he’s a decent guy. You want them listening to your lies of poor pitful me. 

Trying to look like I care when I don’t? That’s why she was gonna move in with me if cody and I hadn’t gotten back together. That’s why when she didn’t have a job she was coming to me asking me for money to get this and that for the kids. Why is it that when we post about the boys we don’t care and if we didn’t post about the boys we don’t care either? It’s a lose lose situation when it comes to parenting with a narsissit. 

The “she’s not allowed on your property” that situation is mute. We told her to drop them off here, following the guidelines. There is no court order stating she isn’t allowed on my property. She’s stayed the night here multiple times before Cody and I got back together. So again that’s only her arguing and throwing a temper tantrum because it’s not what she wants. We even suggested another location more half way and she ignored that as well. 

Once again we’re denied visits because being immature is more important than being a mother to your children. Bashing their father on social media to gain pity votes is more important. If you and your new boyfriend want a family then have another baby. But don’t drag those boys around in this game you want to play. They have a daddy. A daddy who wants to see them but you won’t let him because he won’t follow your rules, he follows the courts instead. 

We love you boys and we’ll see you soon. 

I’m not just a Step Mom

You’ve read the horror stories before, the horrible baby momma stories. Well ladies and gentleman you’re about to read mine. Trust me sometimes I think I need my own drama show.

I am currently dating the love of my life and the father of my two children. Our oldest son, Camden, he is 8. Our only daughter, Kenley, she just turned four! He is also the father of three other boys. Their ages are five, 23 months, and a year. We’ve had a pretty rocky past. In and out of our relationship. He’s stayed between me and his other baby momma. I should have ran away a long time ago. I used to tell myself that all the time when he bounced back and forth between us both. But I’m a hopeless romantic. I’ve always wanted my family together. I came from a broken home. My mom raised me for the longest time by herself and worked long nights taking care of me and my younger brother. She did an amazing job at it but I saw the hardship she went through at times. My real father wasn’t a part of my life for a good couple years. Not something I wanted my children to go through. I guess that’s why I pushed to have my family back. Things finally lucked out with us and were making things work, but that’s for a whole other blog post.

He and the children’s mother have one agreement in their visitation, just one. That’s that he get the boys every other weekend. That’s perfectly fine with me. I’m not going to sit here and whine that he’s getting him. He NEEDS to get those boys. They need to get to know him. They deserve to know him and see that he tries and he works hard. Since out of high school my SO (significant other) has busted his butt as a diesel mechanic. Working long days and long nights to make sure trucks ran. He is always on call, he has his truck and the company service truck. His phone never stops ringing nor can I tell you when he gets honestly a day off without it ringing. Ha, at times I would joke with him that once we were married we wouldn’t get a honeymoon because he couldn’t be away from the shop.

Here is where some drama is inserted into our life. As of recently the Bio Mother has started a new relationship. It didn’t come as a shock to either one of us. She is usually in and out of different relationships once they’re broken up. The bad part about all of this? With each new boyfriend she’s gotten they are given the new title “daddy” I draw the red bold line on that one. Also here is where I’m going to vent…

Its been splashed all over social media about this, and yes I will admit that I’ve had my share in the petty part. I’ve said things I most likely shouldn’t have said but when you deal with an immature Bio Mom that is sometimes the only way to get things across.

When you read that how do you feel? If you were the father of three boys, this young kid has been in your children’s life for two months how would you feel? I had kept my mouth shut when she refused to follow the 38th judicial court guidelines. Those guidelines clearly state that should a mutual agreement not be met, follow those parenting guidelines. We have. But with the Bio Mom its her way or the high way. And for this young boy to write such filthy garbage for all of Facebook to see ( he later deleted it once everyone pointed out how wrong he was) is completely and utterly wrong. I have been in these boys lives since the first one has been born. I have clothed them, I have bathed them, I have kept them over night so that she could go do whatever it is she wanted to do. When she couldn’t afford diapers I was there. When she couldn’t get to a doctors appointment I was there. And yet no matter what you still end up getting bad mouthed. You can stick your neck out for people and because you do one thing they don’t like you’re wrong.

More back story info on this for you, just to let you look into her character. My daughter was 2 when she broke her arm and was in a cast. At that time her father and I weren’t together. He was with his other baby momma, the one we are currently having issues with now. She had one child, three, and was currently pregnant with their second. My son, six at the time, spilled tea in the kitchen. My daughter, following her big brother around, steps in it. For some odd reason this angers Cat (that’s not her real name but we’ll call her that) She takes it upon herself to smack my child across the back of his head and pull my daughter BY HER CAST out of the puddle. At this current time Cat and My current SO have a DVO out on each other ( that shows you how scared she was of him and how fake the DVO was if she’s breaking it and living with him.) I had kept my mouth shut on it. As long as he was getting his kids fine, that I could sweep under the rug. Yet this however I could not. When my children retuned home on Sunday my son told me what happened and I called dispatch. I explained the situation and she sent a cop out to the house to take the info and file a report. I didn’t want my children’s father going to jail so I stated that to the cop, what I wanted was her not allowed around my children. The officer called up their father and advised him of the situation and told him she was not allowed to be around them no more. If caught around my children without my permission she would go to jail for child abuse. Sadly in an effort to protect my children Cat threw her classic child temper tantrum and stopped the visits all together. For months my children went without seeing their father because she couldn’t adult and grow up and go somewhere else every other weekend.

In March of 2016 I took him to court for violating guidelines. In court it was ordered that she not be around them, and he to have them at his friends house or his grannies house until proof of a rental agreement in an actual house or apartment was shown. Ms. Cat didn’t like that very much and shortly left him, hugely pregnant with her third child. She bounced from her fathers house to her aunts house, staying there after the baby was born. My SO currently being with his friends. We weren’t together but friends then, getting over our past differences. I know most of you all reading this are shaking your head that I shouldn’t have gotten with him, that its stupid or I’m stupid, but I’ve been in love with this boy since high school. So sorry but this is my love story.

While living with her Aunt we got reports from several different people that the boys weren’t being taken care of. At one point in time CPS was called in on many occasions for welfare checks. The boys weren’t getting properly bathed, there was mold under the bassinet of the newborn, and dried up crumbs in the crib for the middle child. There was many allegations against her. And many rumors about her flying all across our little county. To be quiet honest I don’t know if the case was ever closed. Those reading this know how I can find out the results please let me know!

There are many many many negative qualities to this Bio Mom. A woman who says nothing is wrong with her that its all my SOs fault. I wish it could be like those other co parenting stories you read or see. Sadly ours isn’t like that. We ended up walking into the nightmare side of the whole thing. Were that blended family who is about to see the ends and outs of the court system. I’ve read it cant hurt to have many people loving a child. If a mother can love multiple children, why cant a child love multiple parents? What good does it do you to tell a five year old his daddy doesn’t love him? Where in life does it get you to have your new boyfriend of two months being called daddy when in a month or two he’ll be gone? How is that fair to your children?

I promise you I have many more updates and more posts coming soon in this long road of being a Bonus mom. Send me questions, leave me comments and I can clarify, and most importantly share your story with me! Let me know how your Step Mother journey is going!